While I was in Los Angeles, California for an MCC trip, I had a free morning to myself and decided to explore the Getty Museum and see if I could find my way to the beach to touch the Pacific Ocean for the first time. I came upon this painting in the museum and thought it seemed appropriate for this post since it relates to autumn.
I enjoy fall, in all it's crispness and crunchiness and coolness. Fall, in general, has always signaled change for me more than any other transition between seasons because it means a goodbye to the warm, free spirit of summer and a transition into the cold quiet of winter.
Fall brings frustration for me this year as I foresee there are changes to come in my life, but I'm not sure I'm ready to embrace them or how to embrace them. I, like Nessus, still want to hold on to that last smile of summer before the dark of winter settles in. I'm stuck in this place of transition feeling like I need to get to the next place but not sure how to get there.
I've decided to call this state of stuckness a quarter-life crisis.
I wish there were simple steps one could take for figuring out what they want to do with their life, but there aren't. Maybe I need to take one of those chintzy quizzes to discover what my 'dream career' would be. But somehow I don't think the answers will come that easy. There isn't a lot I feel sure of in my life right now and it is not a fun place to be.
I went back and read my fall post from last year, which was full of color and life, and this year feels dismal and drab in comparison. I feel like I'm just waiting for Hercules to pierce me with his arrow so that I can get past the transition and move to the next season.
I found this blog post by a pro photographer that talks about pursuing what you're passionate about in photography. I've thought for a while about trying freelance, but I feel like it would be a risky move since I'm not even sure I want to make photography my long term career. Perhaps I should take the leap of faith and if I fail, I fail. Or perhaps I should try something completely different, and maybe that will be the test that will tell me whether or not I should stick with photography or move on.
So I was reading your post and I was reminded about recent thoughts I've had about fall colors. Some days the leaves are just brilliant and beautiful and I feel like prancing around in them like a wee fairy. But some times (like today) after a few days of gray cold rain the fall looks so drab and quite and subdue. So like the leaves I think it's it's probably really relevant to the fact that some times the changes in our lives are bright and exciting and make us excited. But sometimes they are like a gray raining drab day and make us want to just run into our beds and snuggle under the covers until it's summer again. But remember that the good thing about changes is that it means there is something new out there! And new can be good, new can be a bright Indian Summer day in the middle of a dreary fall! Those are my thoughts. I'm praying for you!
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